A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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