Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize