my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
please come you make the beer taste better
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
