i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
