YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
