My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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