FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
