i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
