He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
