Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
