I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
