i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
