literally had 100 drinks last night.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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