Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
