Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
