if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
