I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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