9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
