toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
