Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
