I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize