I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
