Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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