He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
