we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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