I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
