i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
