i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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