He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
