My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
