how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Ketchup is God's man juice
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
