paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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