fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
