your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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