My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
