I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize