the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
