So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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