Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
