so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
bring money and cleavage
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
