I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
