bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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