ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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