The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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