whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
