can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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