You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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