he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
whose parrot is this?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
my liver is dry heaving
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
