If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
