I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
