atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
and she was petting her beer can
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
