That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
