I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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