remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
