I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize