I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
