that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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