its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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