Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
