Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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