How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
