please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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