If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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