so that wasnt chicken after all
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I looked at my own cervix.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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