Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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